Laughter is NOT the best medicine

If there be such a thing as hilarious agony, then i'm writhing in it.

I have severe pain in my belly button. My belly button! How are people going to take this seriously? Even I'm laughing about it, and laughter makes the pain WORSE. Other things that make the pain increase are standing up straight (so i walk around with my back bent so far forward my head faces my feet) and urinating (my whole family think i'm having wild orgasms every time i go to the bathroom, such are the hoarse screams of agony).

I figure this pain is one of three things-

1- an abdominal muscle strain. I actually did do some physical activity today.

2- A delayed reaction to the pain of having my umbellical cord slashed in half and cruelly tied in a knot by some doctor when I was born.

3- An alien hatchling preparing to burst out of my stomach. I don't recall having eggs laid into my face, but i do sleep alot- perhaps the alien jumped me then. Geez, thats fairly violating, orally raped by an alien lifeform in my sleep. Actually, make that 'VERY violating'.